


My Forgotten Heart

by MoonlightIcarus



Series: Tin man, Birdman, Fisherman [3]
Category: RWBY
Genre: Angst, Body Image, Cuddling & Snuggling, Cute, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, Introspection, Isolation, Literal Sleeping Together, M/M, Multi, Past Relationship(s), Polyamory, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Worth Issues, Sleeping Together, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-15
Updated: 2020-01-15
Packaged: 2021-02-18 11:50:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21810421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoonlightIcarus/pseuds/MoonlightIcarus
Summary: Ironwood isolates himself more than he should. Working for hours on end until he is ready to pass out at night and then doing them same thing the next day. Those closest to him decide that enoight is enough when he becomes a liability to himself.Finally got around to proof reading it.
Relationships: Clover Ebi & James Ironwood, Qrow Branwen/Clover Ebi, Qrow Branwen/James Ironwood
Series: Tin man, Birdman, Fisherman [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1564132
Comments: 5
Kudos: 63





	My Forgotten Heart

**Author's Note:**

> I've been meaning to finish this for like a months.

The beating in his chest was approaching too much. The thudding of the pump was destined to drive him insane in its continuous work. 

This wasn't a heart. It was mechanical, robotic. Its existence would never be forgotten by him, its purpose could not fade into the back of his mind. A manufactured lifeline allowed him to continue to work, but the sound of it, the feel of it was more disruptive than a normal heart.

A natural living heart was vital but it could so easily be forgotten amid the chaos that was life. He was singularly different in comparison. Too many mistakes had left him half the man he once was. The people of at Atlas may believe that the faunis were lesser than humans, but he was barely even a human anymore. Penny seemed to have more love in her that he ever did, even at his prime.

Waking up for the first time after the accident that split him in two was agony. There was phantom pain for limbs that had been replaced with metal prosthetics. It was too much feeling at once. He remembered bringing his new hand up to his face for the first time and breaking down in the hospital bed.

He was irrevocably changed. Everyone told stories of huntsmen and huntresses being nearly invincible in battle and escaping unscathed, at least until they finally kicked the bucket on a fatal mission. He wasn't so lucky. He was trapped in the middle, death didn't take him and life refused to embrace him. An amalgamation of parts thrown together that shouldn't have been able to work. Even years later no one else had as many modifications as he did.

The first night of it was one of the worst experiences of his life. At the time he had been less than stable, too brash and emotional. Given his history of dangerous tendencies he was placed under constant supervision to assure he didn't go to any...extreme measures when he had the chance. A member of his team was always present, guards by the door, cameras poised on him, and reinforced restraints to guarantee he didn't make a break for it while he was healing. 

The only thing the doctors didn't do was sedate him because they were unsure if it would do more harm than good. Looking back he wished they had done it. Maybe if the memories were covered in a haze induced by morphine the recollections wouldn't be so painful to endure. Following the trauma every second of it was burned into his mind, not a fragment of the recovery wasn't known to him.

Physical therapy was blessedly private. A one on one with him and a specialist sworn to secrecy about what he saw of his patient. 

Even in the privacy he had been gifted James was unable to relax and show any vulnerability. Shame filled the emptiness inside of him. He covered himself with layers of clothing at all times. Gloves, jackets, hats, scarves, vests, belts, and blankets all piled on to obscure anyone from seeing the mechanical components of himself. When he was asked to take off one of his sweaters he broke down before he even undid one of the buttons around his collar.

His distress was met not with ridicule and pity but with understanding and resolve. Who ever had chosen this physical therapist was wise enough to chose one that doubled as a regular therapist. He comforted James without encroaching on his personal space until he was given empress permission to approach. 

The experience had helped but not in a strictly beneficial way. James believed himself to be too weak to handle another outburst and his anxieties pushed him away from asking for help that didn't pertain to strictly his physical body. To cope with it he shut it out. He shut everything out. No joy, no sadness, no empathy. No emotions. And it worked, feeling nothing was a better alternative to feeling awful. 

He needed a distraction to avoiding thinking about his very body, and that distraction was his work. At the time he was of a much lower rank in the Atlas military thay he currently possesses but the ruthless efficiency he worked with garnered him the envy of his peers and the recognition of his superiors. When the time came for someone to move up in rank the decisions was easily swayed in his favor. The influence his work had was an unintentional byproduct of his own shortcomings but no other officers saw it that way.

With promotions came more money and while he could have easily used those finances to dramatically increase his personal living arrangements he went about a different way of using them. He ordered several customs suits and well as having his uniforms properly tailored. The excessive clothing had been abandoned but this new well made attire would be just as covert about hiding his secrets.

The world was a mess that routinely fell apart on his but he had hoped that once upon a time he would have been able to continued to love in the world he had crafted. Immersed in his work as he chose to be

After all the troubles he had survived Ironwood wasn't exactly one to welcome change. He knew that it was an inevitability of life but accepting something and liking it were not mutually inclusive concepts, so then why did his "Relationship" with Qrow Branwen please him as much as it had.

Not to be overly harsh but the man was a fucking trainwreck. Someone who carefully micromanaged all aspects of his life and another who just flew through life by the seat of his pants, it was weird but in a way it made sense. The best aspects of one another could rub off on the other and better themselves as people.

Now it took time to get to that point. It started as nothing other than them both being part of Ozpin's inner circle, but they begrudgingly gravitated together during those times. The hostility that existed between them created high tension, but like a switch being flicked the heightened feelings shifted to a need and desire.

It was bizarre and illogical but it was something that even after years of self discipline he lacked the willpower to stop. They'd finally confronted each other in his room at Beacon one night. The missions they were planning needed a decisive plan and a designated leader. On both fronts they had disagreed.

So when Qrow showed up at his door with alcohol on his breath looking for a fight James wasn't surprised by it. Qrow wasn't drunk, maybe tipsy, but his posture and balance were too good to be drunk. Constantly drinking had helped him build up a strong tolerance for it.

Ironwood had cornered him against the wall and kept him in place with his arms on either side of his head. He thought the other man might spit in his face but he didn't. In fact he didn't do anything at all, only stared back at him with an unreadable look to his face. 

There was a temptation that existed there and he acted on it. He was unable to tell why it was so strong then and even later he was none the wiser. He took that mouth that often criticized and ridiculed him and silenced it with a kiss too passionate for what were at best aquantinces.

Qrow reciprocated with equal fervor and desire. Qrow had to wrap his arms around James's shoulders to reach his mouth easier. When he broke off the kiss for a moment, his hands moved to Cradle that stubbly face, amd they returned to kissing. James was too distracted to feel Qrow removing his glove, until it had been pulled off all the way. 

By that point when the cold steel pressed into the other mans face he wanted to run and hide in shame, but Qrow simply nuzzled his heated cheek into the cold metal before continuing on like nothing had happened at all. 

His reaction was the same with the reveal of the rest if his metallic components, they were disregarded as nothing at all, compelled normal to him, and they made it to the bed, finally.

They had many more nights like that together. There was no plan for how it would happen or when. Only the knowledge that if they were in the same city it was simply an inevitability that they should find themselves waking up in a tangle of limbs. They shared breakfast many times on the mornings after and when they reconvened the hostility between them was restored like the activities behind closed doors didn't happen. It was good and it worked for a while.

They had never been truly together so there was nothing to actually end. It just petered out as they fell away from each other. The pain of the fallout didn't hit him hard instead it crept on him late into the night for weeks on end.  
....

Memories were sweet but Qrow had moved on and it was only right for him to do so as well. The hug they shared upon being reunited had meant something to him, but evidently it didn't have the same gravitas for Qrow, who had started some form of relationship with Clover.

That was good for him. Pairing them up had been mainly to ease Qrow's fears and anxiety on missions but if they were spending more time together it would help him personally. He knew that even if Qrow appeared Okay outwardly going sober wasn't easy, and it would take only one traumatic event to trigger a relapse into old habits, and with the state of the world as it was life was nothing but traumatic events for them, so a support network that consisted of more than just his nieces would be beneficial to his mental health.

It was obvious Qrow believed himself to be a burden on anyone he was around so having a constant positive force was exponential better than the nothing he had before.

If only he could have something equally useful to rely on. Winter was always there but she was his subordinate and it would be wrong to weigh her down with other issues on top of her own.

That's why working was easier. There wasn't time to think or dwell on mistakes when there was important work that needed to be done. Today he'd been working through a migraine since the earlier part of the afternoon, and it was surely a decision he would regret come morning, but even if he had gone home the work would still be there and sleep would have continued to elude him.

Rest didn't come easy to him but his own irrational jealousy made his bed feel colder when he thought of everyone who had someone to rely on. Be it platonic or romantic he was more alone than most people were. So his office hours progressed later and later until sometime in the darkness of the early morning hours where the exhaustion was so palpable that he could just barely reach his bed before he passed out.

Winter would have disagreed with it but she had left his office some time ago and the guards outside his door had been informed to not let anyone disturb him.

TAP TAP TAP. "SCREEEEE!"

There was bird tapping on the window to his office. More accurately there was a bird outside the window to an office on top of a skyscraper on a floating island in an arctic region of the world. This was either the single dumbest aviary to ever live or it was Qrow Branwen himself. Those two terms were honestly one and the same.

Trying to ignore it was pointless. Every few seconds the tapping and cawing would repeat until he was allowed inside. 

If Ironwood felt like playing the long game he could win eventually. The night wind was howling as the cold spiraled outside. There was only so much time Qrow could wait before he was forced to leave or die trying, and with his current mental health his self preservation was better than it had been in a long time.

But if he waited that long it would be past midnight and he wouldn't get much of any work done before he needed to retire for the night.

Begrudgingly James stood from his desk. The action resulted in an immediate stop of the tapping and cries coming from his window, but as he stood lingering by his desk they came again with their previous quick succession. His steps over to the window were sluggish. The migraine that he had been dealing with through the day was still afflicting him and his head was hurting on each step he took.

It was only a few paces to reach the window but it seemed like a hike to get there. His stamina was wearing down with the constant pressure and worry at any number of things that could go wrong for him. 

Qrow was right there on the other side of the window sill. If anyone else were to see him in this state they would only assume it was a strange crow that made it's way up to the top of the building, which was perplexing, but not at all impossible. However, Ironwood was special, and he was one of the few individuals that knew of Qrow's unique trait, and the red gleam of his eyes was a dead giveaway to his secret. 

They stared back at each other for a bit, James wasn't sure if he was even blinking with how intently he looked at the black bird that managed to stand out against the dark sky. Few stars were visible with all the ambient light of Atlas, so he blended into the dark backdrop even more. 

The latch was finally undone, and the window slid open with a squeak from it's long wait between uses. It only opened just enough that Qrow could slip thought, and hop to the floor before he transformed back into a human standing on the tiles.

"Jimmy, you look like fucking shit." Qrow sounded sober which was good, but he was shaking a bit from the chill that had reached deep into his bones from his time outside. 

"It's James- ah fuck it." He didnt have the time or patients to extend this conversation out longer than strictly necessary. "What do you need? Make it quick so I can get back to work." He snapped at the end.

"I need you to take a nap. I'd also like you to eat something since I'm guessing you didnt eat today but I really need to pick my battles, and you...you aren't the best when it comes to taking other people's suggestions." 

James huffed before speaking, "I can sleep when I'm tired. I'm busy with-"

"You are tired right now." Qrow interrupted him and were he any louder the guards positioned outside the door would have come in to pull him away from James. 

"There is still work to be done." Diplomacy, diplomacy, diplomacy. Ironwood repeated the mantra in his head to help himself work through this. "I will rest after that is completed."

"Why, you'll just wake up exhausted tomorrow with more work to do?" Qrow started pacing, avoiding any direct eye contact with the general.

"And if I go to bed now I'll have that work on top of what I haven't done tonight. This way I can stay on schedule to have everything completed."

The other man turned on his heels with his hands behind his head when he regarded Ironwood. "Your self preservation skills are really shitty. And this is coming from me of all people. Seriously James if I'm telling you it's gone too far you have to realize that you've majorly fucked up somewhere along the way."

"If you self preservation is as bad as you claim then I see no reason to take your advice on the issue." He stood with his back straight even if he wanted to collapse where he stood. He was tired but having Qrow tell him about his inadequacies while he was off happily sleeping with Clover would only sting more.

"I'm telling you because I fucking know you Jimmy. This is what you always do. You go and work until your body just quits on you." He'd approached the taller man and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Let someone help you since you are too busy helping others."

"I...I. I guess I should." He leaned forward putting all his weight onto Qrow even if he wasn't strong enough to fully support him.

"Jimmy I'm here to help you but could you open the door so I could have some support lifting you?" Ironwood was bigger than him in every measurable way so lifting him would have been a challenge, but half of him being made of super dense metal compounded the issue.

"My guards cant see me like this." A moment of such great weakness was unbecoming of a general and a headmaster.

"You dont need your guards to come in, I've got someone waiting for you to let 'em in."

"Open the door, and then you can be dismissed for the night." It was shouted with a loud precision so that the men stationed on the other side would be able to hear him. 

In less than five seconds the doors swung open and in walked Clover Ebi. Ironwood had a complicated relationship with the man. He was an amazing huntsmen, leader of the ace Ops, all around shining example of a good citizen, and the man sleeping with his ex that he never really got over. Feelings could fade but they never seemed to disappear completely.

"General." He briefly saluted. "You look rough."

"Dont be so kind to him he's being a complete ass." Qrow wasn't being gentle with him just yet. That would happen later on after he was full aware of his own stupidity.

"Come on then lets get to your room." Clover got up under this arm and along with Qrow to supported Ironwood's weight as they walked to his apartment in the building, because James couldn't let himself sleep more than fifty feet from where he worked. 

"Heh." Qrow laughed. "Usually I'm the one being dragged down corridors in the middle of the night."

"Is that what I look like?" James thought. "Nothing more than a well intentioned drunk who was so inept at his duties that it took two of the top huntsmen out there to drag him back to his room so he doesn't keal over. Pathetic."

"I wouldn't say pathetic. Your not sad or a failure, you just get blinded by a goal until you don't see the side effects and consequences of it." Clover added, making Ironwood realize he'd said the last word aloud.

It stung but he would let himself feel the impact of those words and the way they comforted him, even if it was a back handed conpliment.

Another minute passed and they stood in front of Ironwood's door. It was as unremarkable as all the other doors in the facility except for the pin pad by the handle. With lethargic movements James entered the pin number and the door slid open for the trio.

The entrance was too narrow for them to enter in the wide huddle they were currently in, so Qrow moved out from under that massive shoulder and dragged James into his room with Clover close behind him still supporting the general's weight.

No time was spent dawdling in the living area of the apartment. At most it recieved an extensive once over from Clover, but the goal was the bedroom.

"Cover take him to scrub his mouth out. The bathroom is just in there. While you do that I'll find him something to sleep in."

"Alright, take your time."

Qrow knew putting James and Clover together would be awkward at first with them both dancing around their relationship to him, but tonight was focused on getting James and his workaholic ass into bed ASAP. They would have to stomach the whole two minutes it took to brush his teeth while He looked through every dawer to find something the general could sleep in. He'd likely just sleep in his uniform if he didnt mind it being wrinkled for the next day.

In the first drawer he opened he found what he was looking for long pajama pants, and a wifebeater that James could sleep comfortably in. Once they were over the hump of his robotics being exposed he would be able to relax in something less constricting, and actually fucking comfortable.

The two articles were thrown onto the bed and out walked Clover and James. One looking flushed and a little shamefull the other portraying a somehow not annoying confidence.

"Set him down in the chair by the door." Qrow pointed at the item incase Clover couldn't see it over the others hunched over frame.

"Gotcha, and you need me to do anything g else at the moment." He was so chipper. It was sweet....and agrivating at points. 

"Nah, just sit down for a little bit."

Qrow walked over to James who hadn't skipped a word since they opened the door to his room. Without prompting he knelt to the floor and took James' left hand between his palms. With careful fingers the metal was massaged, while it wasn't able to relax his limb itself, James could still feel it and it would help him to relax mentally. Then the button on the glove was undone and it was slipped off quickly exposing the robotic hand he was so often ashamed of.

He tensed up immediately and tried to pull it back to hide it from view but Qrow only sushed him and held firmly at the wrist.

He whispered. "Dont worry Jimmy. Clover already knows and he doesn't care, no one would really." Ironwood was still adamant about hiding his hand so Qrow hit it between his own. "You're not the only person with robotics anymore, you aren't the monster that you think of yourself to be. Please relax."

He was so engrossed in what Qrow was telling him that he became started when a strong hand gripped his flesh shoulder. "Sir, no one would think you are less worthy of the job because of this."

"I'm barely even alive."

"Dead men don't develop scars. If you have a mark left it means you survived it and lived to tell about it. Let the past go." Qrow was just as surprised by Clover's words as Ironwood was.

The general never responded but the forlorn look that was always present in his eyes seemed to dissipate by at least a small amount. 

"Come on, Jimmy. Let's get you to bed."

They leaned him forward on the chair and got him oit of his jacket and dress shirt. The line where flesh met metal was a clean cut but when a hand rested over his heart it felt like a blurr of sensation. He was no longer jsit two halves pushed together. 

He stood just long enough for them to get his pants down and as he sat the pajamas were pushed up his legs. After that James tried to bif them farewell but Qrow started to undress until he was standing in some boxers and a tee shirt.

"Don't think we'd just leave you hear alone. We both want to be here Jimmy, so let us help you."

The affirmation came in the form of an almost imperceptibly subtle nod, but both hunters saw it and continued on as they were.

Clover stripped down to his boxers after helping James get out of his. He had settled on just some white boxer briefs, choosing to forgo even a shirt. 

It was more of him than Ironwood was used to seeing. He knew how the ace operative generally looked in his normal tight uniform but now there was virtually nothing hidden from his view and with Qrow standing away from his Ironwood was ocolating his head to take in their dual appearances.

Ironwood was guided down onto his bed by the both of them. It was excessively gentle and probably unnecessary seeing as the bed was less than five feet away form the chair he was positioned in, but the care spoke volumes of what the others thought of him. 

He may have protested but they had show they were determined to take care of him since they deemed him unable to do it for himself.

They weren't satisfied with him just sitting on the bed, he was also pushed towards the center to lay on the space where his two pillows overlapped. Then he was flanked on both sides as they got into the head with him, Qrow took the mechanical left and Clover covering the organic right, they crossing their hands over his stomache to reach out and touch the other one. 

Their heads were resting on his shoulders, but even as they looked at each other he felt like they were also seeing him they with them. It was unusual, unbecoming of him, likely a security risk, and also so comfortably warm that he could be charged with treason and he wouldn't combat it I'm that moment.

Physical affection was something he didnt think he'd ever get to experience with this level of intimacy ever again, and he'd never been more happy to be wrong.

Sleep was pulling him under but he didnt want it. He needed to feel every moment of this comfort that he was allowed to call his own.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave comments.
> 
> And I plan on going back soon and fixing any typos and grammatical errors, so please bear with me.


End file.
